Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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