You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
