To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
