do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
