when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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