I feel like I'm in dance class right now
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
