on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
