have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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