And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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