i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
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Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
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A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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