I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
