Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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