it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
