I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you didnt know i had herpes?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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