I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
