WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
