feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
