I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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