I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
