so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
