mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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