I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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