That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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