i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
