OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
