9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
