just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
