Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
