every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize