my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
