You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I have fence marks all over my body
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
