If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize