Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I lost the right to judge tonight
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
