I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
