just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
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Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
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That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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