shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Randomize
