When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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