ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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