dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
