My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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