Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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