I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
