You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
