I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
