no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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