I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
