I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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