I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
