My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
