where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
