She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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