I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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