She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
