So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
