Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
