Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
