The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
