You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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