Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
