Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
