my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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