I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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