You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
