hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
