I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
