I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think your dad took our porno
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
