would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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