I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
