i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
